You’re Not Too Much — Understanding Nervous System Needs in Couples | Sex Therapy Orlando
One of the most common things I hear in couples counseling is said quietly, almost apologetically:
“I know I’m a lot. I just feel things more than my partner.”
Sometimes it’s framed as being too emotional.
Sometimes as too needy.
Sometimes as too intense.
And almost always, it comes with shame.
As a sex therapist in Orlando, I want to gently offer a reframe that changes everything:
You’re not too much. Your nervous system is asking for contact.
What “Too Much” Actually Means in Relationships
In therapy — especially couples counseling in Orlando — “too much” rarely means dramatic or unreasonable.
What it usually means is:
A nervous system that feels uncertain about connection
A body that learned closeness can disappear
A system wired to seek reassurance when safety feels shaky
This isn’t a personality flaw.
It’s a protective response.
When someone reacts strongly to distance, tone changes, or emotional disconnection, their body isn’t trying to cause conflict — it’s trying to restore safety.
The Other Side of the Dynamic (And Why It Matters)
On the other side of this pattern is often a partner who feels:
Overwhelmed
Like nothing they do is enough
Pressured to regulate someone else’s emotions
This partner may cope by:
Shutting down
Pulling away
Needing space to calm their own nervous system
Neither partner is wrong.
In fact, both are doing the same thing in opposite ways:
trying to feel safe in connection.
This is one of the most common dynamics I see in couples counseling Orlando, and it’s deeply relational — not a failure of love.
How This Pattern Shows Up in Sex and Intimacy
As a sex therapist, I see this dynamic play out powerfully in the bedroom.
When one partner feels like they’re “too much”:
Desire can become tied to reassurance
Sex may feel like proof of closeness
Rejection can feel deeply personal
When the other partner feels overwhelmed:
Desire can shut down under pressure
Touch may feel loaded instead of regulating
Avoidance can increase, even when love is present
Suddenly, intimacy isn’t soothing — it’s stressful.
This is where sex therapy and nervous-system–informed couples work can be transformative.
What Actually Helps (And What Doesn’t)
What doesn’t help:
“Just calm down”
“You’re overreacting”
“Why can’t you let this go?”
These responses unintentionally increase nervous system threat.
What does help:
Slowing the moment down
Naming what’s happening in the body instead of blaming
Learning how to stay present with emotion without fixing it
When couples learn to witness each other’s emotional experience — even briefly — something shifts.
The body learns:
“I can feel this… and stay connected.”
That’s not emotional indulgence.
That’s regulation through relationship.
You’re Not Too Much — And Your Partner Isn’t Too Little
Here’s the truth I want every couple to hear in couples counseling:
You’re not too much.
Your partner isn’t too little.
You’re just speaking different nervous system languages.
And those languages can be learned.
With the right support — including sex therapy in Orlando — couples don’t just manage conflict better.
They experience more safety, more intimacy, and more ease in both emotional and sexual connection.
A Final Reframe to Hold Onto
If you take nothing else from this:
Wanting reassurance doesn’t make you needy.
Needing space doesn’t make you cold.
Both are bids for safety — and safety can be built together.
If you’re feeling stuck in this dynamic, working with a sex therapist in Orlando or engaging in couples counseling Orlando can help you slow these patterns down and reconnect in ways that actually feel nourishing.
You don’t need to become less.
You just need more support.
Ready to learn more? Schedule a free consultation using the button below.
Author Bio:
Tori Ricci is a board certified sex therapist who specializes in helping individuals and couples navigate intimacy and relationship challenges. With a focus on compassion, education, and practical solutions, Tori aims to offer a safe, non-judgmental space for clients to explore and address their sexual health concerns.
